A Need for a Father

“He thinks I’m lost. Yup, He has lost me.” The quiet words come from the far back seat, through the praise music, through my two overly loud children in the middle seat and instantly hushes everything,  everything and five obnoxiously loud people are silenced at once by a mere whisper.  All of a sudden our chatter is of no real importance. I turn down the music and ask, “Buddy, would you mind saying that again so that I can make sure I heard you correctly??”  He says “He thinks I’m lost you know. He used to know how to find me, but now he has lost me.  Do you think one day he will find me again?”

I looked through the rear view mirror and see this little boy asking man sized questions. He’s searching for honesty and truth and don’t even think about selling him short, he can recognize straight up, in your face truth,  when you have witnessed and participated in too much of the opposite, it comes as easy as brushing your teeth or tying your shoes. I knew, I knew “who” and “what” he was referencing too. I knew “why” and “how” he was asking these questions.  He had a need- A carved out, chopped up- smashed and over regurgitated need for a father.
“Oh, mom he’s hungry and his teeth are yucky and he’s wearing a girl’s backpack mom! He must be very poor! Help him Mom, buy him food!” Without glancing at the gentleman on the street corner I knew exactly “who” she was referring to. I had been watching and praying for this elderly man out on the cold corner of pavement. The other day, I watched him walk and prop his weary, tired, dirty body behind a restaurant wall. Maybe to get away from the “cut right through you wind” or to just rest for a moment without the presence of curious, judging eyes.  Look close enough, have you really looked at him? Did you see it, the need? The carved out, chopped up, smashed and over regurgitated need for a Father?

Hear those grumbles? That was me waiting in the checkout line. The loud lady behind me making any and all attempt to talk to me. Couldn’t a childless mother at the grocery store have a moment’s peace? Is it too much to ask that I not have to participate in conversations that I deem silly and useless? And as she flips the page of a magazine, she begins to talk about the price of groceries, and clothes and that she’s raising three grandchildren because her daughters hooked on meth and hasn’t really ever been much of a mother and she really doesn’t even know where she is right now anyway, but thank God the state helps or she wouldn’t know how they would make it. It took me way longer than it should have…but I got it. I saw it. The need- She was a carved out, chopped up, smashed and over regurgitated mess in need of a Father.

One more, a teen age friend came over to hang out with my son. His eyes caught mine as soon as he shook my hand. As he was leaving, he came in to the dining room where I was sitting working on a project and stood and talked with me. We talked about little things that worked up to big things, like making decisions to let another couple raise your little tiny newly born girl because you knew that was the right thing to do, but the hurt haunts him. He had a need, he needed peace and grace. He was a carved up, chopped up, smashed and over regurgitated mess with a need for a loving Father.
Have you found yourself in a place that you wonder if you’re lost to Him, if He doesn’t even know where you are? Or you’re so weathered by life that you just walked away and you find yourself in a desperate, unimaginable spot, holding a sign for everyone to see? What does the sign your holding say? Has life’s expectations been so hard, so fast, so vast that you don’t know if you can do it, let alone do it right? Have you placed babies, dreams and hopes down and walked away because you  just don’t know what to do with the gaping hole in your heart? Do you feel carved up, chopped up, smashed and over regurgitated?

Be Jesus-hug the little boy, listen to the worried lady in the checkout line, stop and chat with the man on a corner-bring him a burger, put the Word of God in the hand of the young man so he can find answers on how to walk through hurt. You have a need, I have a need. We all have a need…. for a Father. 

“I need Thee; Every hour I need Thee; Oh, bless me now, my Savior! I come to Thee.  I need Thee every hour”